no answers from daddy tonight

did it take a moment
to collect yourself
before you swallowed the barrel?
was sweat blurring your vision,
coating your fingers,
making it difficult
to pull the trigger?
did fear crawl,
lay low to the floor,
to meet the feet
of such sweet relief?
when you realized
for the first time
you could make the voices
stop

painting them

all over the walls.